Cheeseheads of America
by zimrocks
Summary: I'm gonna put a "PG" just to be safe... a bit of gross humor... anyway, ZIM hears of this Cheese Cult and infiltrates it.


"CHEESEHEADS OF AMERICA"  
  
DRAFT 4  
  
by zimrocks  
  
(Zim is walking home from school. People with cheese hats pass by.)  
  
Zim: What are those- things you're wearing on your head? They're so yellow and... holey!  
  
People: Shut up! You're green and... stinky.  
  
Zim: (gasp) My stink? My stink is good!  
  
Dib: Smell? You mean smell, right?  
  
Zim: Why do people wear those on their head?  
  
Dib: I dunno. Do you see me wearing them? (walks away)  
  
Strange man: Cheese ROCKS!  
  
Zim: Cheese? Is that it? Cheese? Hah! Crazy humans and their cheese!  
  
(Zim walks in base. GIR is wearing cheesehat.)  
  
Zim: You too, wear the cheese!  
  
GIR: Yes, I am wearerer of the cheese. (bites cheesehat.) Yum, cheesy plastic!  
  
Zim: Well, I'm going to the lab and see if I'm missing out on this cheese stuff. To the lab! I said, to the lab! Computer? Ahhh! (falls to lab.) Oww! (rubs butt.) Computer, give me information on... cheese.  
  
Computer: Cheese is... uh... an underwater creature... that led the Spanish Revolution... and solved world hunger in 1948.  
  
Zim: Man, cheese sounds important! So humans digest this cheese. I must try it. GIR! Come, we're going to take a walk.  
  
GIR: YAY! Can I get some tacquitos?  
  
Zim: No, but we are going to get cheese.  
  
GIR: Mmmm, I like cheese.  
  
Zim: Yes... I'm sure you like the cheese.  
  
(they walk to store.)  
  
Zim: Hey you, bag baffoon! I need come cheese over here!  
  
Bag boy: Cheese? We're all out!  
  
Zim: All out! Of cheese! How could you be out of cheese?  
  
(in background) GIR: No, not the cheese!  
  
Bag boy: Sir, we're out of it, okay?  
  
Zim: Fine, I'll spend my earth monies elsewhere.  
  
(they leave.)  
  
Bag boy: Earth monies?  
  
Zim: Well, I guess our Cheese Quest has failed.  
  
GIR: I've seen cheese at the gas station. Next to the tacquitos.  
  
Zim: Yes, the gas station. Gas Station? They sell gasy space material?  
  
GIR: You mean stars? They put them in cars. Stars, cars... they rhyme!  
  
Zim: For once, you got something right.  
  
(They walk in gas station.)  
  
Zim: Do you have cheese?  
  
Gas station guy: Yes, yes we do.  
  
Zim: Could I try some?  
  
Guy: Try cheese? What planet are you from, everyone has had cheese!  
  
Zim: Irk... I mean Earth. Yes, I am an Earth Monkey.  
  
GIR: (laughs) Earth Monkey.  
  
(Zim takes cheese.)  
  
Zim: Mmm, this is good. (doesn't really like it.) I will buy all of your cheese.  
  
(outside)  
  
Dib: Zim? At the gas station? Maybe buying GIR a taco. Or does he like burritos... Chalupas? Chinchurras? Quesadillas?  
  
(Zim walks out with huge pile of cheese.)  
  
GIR: What are you going to do with all that cheese? (Bites tacquito.)  
  
Zim: I don't know, maybe we can just throw it at that huge head of Dib's!  
  
(they get home. They pile the cheese onto the ground.)  
  
GIR: I'm going to jump on the cheese now! (Jumps, cheese flies all over.)  
  
GIR: (screams with joy)  
  
Zim: What are you doing? You promised that you wouldn't mess around if I bought you a tacquito!  
  
GIR: Oh, I forgot. Wee!  
  
(outside)  
  
Dib: Maybe they were nachos. Nah!  
  
(back at base.)  
  
Zim: Here's Dib now. GIR, hand me a cheese thing.  
  
GIR: Okie Dokie!  
  
(Dib walks by. Zim throws cheese. Dib falls.)  
  
Zim: (laughs manically) I got you, Dib!  
  
Dib: NOOO! I'm allergic to dairy!  
  
Zim: Now, look at Dib's big red head!  
  
(GIR takes pictures)  
  
GIR: Dib's even cuter when he's got red stuff all over him.  
  
Zim: My squidly splooch feels... (barfs)  
  
Dib: Hah! That's called karma! (walks away)  
  
Zim: Oooh, that cheese! I can't believe... (barfs)... I can't belive humans eat that awful yellow stuff.  
  
GIR: I like it! (throws cheese in mouth)  
  
(on Armada ship)  
  
Technician: Incoming trasmissiooon! From Earth!  
  
Red: Not Zim again!  
  
Zim: Ah, my Tallest.  
  
Purple: What do you want?... I mean good to see you.  
  
Zim: I give you cheese! (holds out cheese) It is a human food.  
  
Red: So... cheese... is it good?  
  
Zim: No! It made me vomit... wait a sec (barfs)  
  
Red: I see what you mean...  
  
Zim: However, it seems that they have some kind of reaction to it.  
  
Purple: So they eat it... but they break out in hives?  
  
Zim: Yes. But what can you expect... GIR stop eating the cheese! We need it for our cheese-filled victory!  
  
Red: (laughs) Cheese-filled victory!  
  
Zim: Well, I'm off to defeat the humans!  
  
Purple: You go get'em! (laughs) (screen turns off)  
  
(Zim goes outside)  
  
Zim: I've got to find this cheese gathering. (finds cheesehead.) Hey you, cheese worshiper. Where is the cheese?  
  
Guy: Follow me.  
  
(they follow him to an alley, and jump in a sewer hole.)  
  
Zim: Agh! It stinks!  
  
Guy: Yeah, but you get used to it. Prepare for initiation!  
  
Zim: NO, not another weird human gathering!  
  
Guy: Phase 1!  
  
(the people dip Zim in the sewer water.)  
  
Zim: FOOLS!  
  
Guy: Phase 2!  
  
(they stuff cheese into his mouth.)  
  
(Zim barfs)  
  
Guy: You couldn't pass Phase 2? Get out of here! (they throw him back up to the surface.)  
  
(Zim barfs some more.)  
  
Dib: Still barfing? Hah!  
  
Zim: Still red?   
  
Dib: Well, yes. Be quiet!  
  
(Dib walks away.)  
  
Zim: Now, to find a way back in. Ah, a cheese headcover!  
  
(puts on cheesehat, drops back down sewer.)  
  
Zim: I too, am one with the cheese.  
  
Guy: Aren't you that one guy...  
  
Zim: What guy?  
  
Guy: That green guy...  
  
Zim: I'm not green! It's a skin condition.  
  
Guy: Well, in that case, you can stay.  
  
Zim: Success! I mean, free cheese for everyone!  
  
(They all eat the cheese. They chew on it for a while, then spit it out.)  
  
Guy: How could you give us this cheap gas station cheese?  
  
Zim: Well, it's getting late...  
  
Guy: No! I want you to eat the rest of the cheese!  
  
Zim: Actually, I had a lot of cheese at home. My food pouch is overflowing.  
  
Guy: And I thought the green kid was crazy! This guy's insane! Get him out of here... food pouch. What is that?  
  
(Zim gets thrown out.)  
  
Zim: So much for cheese-filled victory...  
  
(Zim walks back home.)  
  
(at lab. Zim is talking to the tallest.)  
  
Zim: And so, my Tallest... humans will only eat food that costs more. It's all about the monies.  
  
Red: Of course it is!  
  
Purple: Ah... the monies.  
  
Red: Speaking of monies... don't we still owe that waiter?  
  
Purple: No, I took care of that...  
  
END 


End file.
